Archive for the ‘Random Idiocy’ Category

Eucalyptus flavored cough drops

March 15, 2011

On the front of my Walgreens brand cough drops, I noticed these words, printed in big bold letters: Eucalyptus Flavored. Are they marketing to koala bears?



My son’s Navin R Johnson…ness

November 30, 2010

I’ve noticed that whenever my 3 year old leaves the house, he quickly begins collecting items that he’ll “need” for wherever we’re going. This morning, before heading to grammie’s house, he needed his fire helmet, a police badge, a purple marker, a cowboy hat, a small brown piece of paper, a paperclip, a pirate hat and his blanket.

Reminds me of Navin R Johnson in the Jerk when he is being forced out of his house (from

Navin R. Johnson: Well I’m gonna to go then! And I don’t need any of this. I don’t need this stuff, and I don’t need *you*. I don’t need anything. Except this.
[picks up an ashtray]
Navin R. Johnson: And that’s the only thing I need is *this*. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray… And this paddle game. – The ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need… And this remote control. – The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need… And these matches. – The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball… And this lamp. – The ashtray, this paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, and that’s all *I* need. And that’s *all* I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one… I need this. – The paddle game and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I’m some kind of a jerk or something! – And this. That’s all I need.
[walking outside]

Huge loss for comedy

November 28, 2010

Leslie Nielsen died today. Read here. Brutal day for me as a Packer fan and a fan of comedy. Great actor – his role in Airplane is one of the most enduring comedy roles in movie history. Really sad.

Why do beer websites make you enter your date of birth?

October 27, 2010

First of all, nice difficult barrier to get around. Secondly, are they afraid that if they don’t ask this, there might be some underage kids out there who have developed some kind of high tech computer/straw gadget that allows them to suck beer right out of the site?

Fooled by Smithwicks?

October 27, 2010

Anyone else stop to wonder why, when you go to an Irish bar, or any bar now for that matter, your eyebrows raise when the bartender/waiter announces that they have the Irish ale Smithwick’s on tap? Like it’s always been your favorite beer? That has happened to me recently a few times. And then in the car just yesterday, I was listening to a radio ad (for Champps?) talking about all the beer specials on tap for game days. It was clear the advertisers were building up to the crescendo announcement that Smithwick’s was included in the $2 tap deal. As they announced it, I automatically thought “nice, and for only $2”. It was automatic, no thought given to it whatsoever.

But then I stopped and I thought “wait a minute, where did Smithwick’s come from?” I couldn’t remember drinking it at any time in my life before about 6 years ago when my brother-in-law introduced it to me. Prior to that, I had never heard of this product that has somehow brought itself to the fore of the USA’s massive beer drinking culture. When I used to go to an Irish bar, I’d order a Murphy’s Irish Stout if they had it, Guiness if not (or Beamish) – or a Harp if I wasn’t feeling like a darker beer. But I can’t remember ever ordering a Smithwick’s. (For the record: Smithwick’s is Ireland’s oldest ale, owned by Guinness since 1965 – and it’s pronounced without the ‘w’.)

Unless I’m just way off on this (which is very possible), I strongly suspect we’ve all been subjected to one of the most quietly brilliant promotional campaigns ever. Somehow, in what seems like a very short period of time, Smithwick’s now just seems like it’s been here forever.

And the funny thing is – while I don’t dislike the beer, it’s definitely not my favorite (…even though some force somewhere is telling me it is).


Fantastic old man injury

September 13, 2010

Check out coach Mike Smith’s old man injury here.


September 8, 2010

Exactly how lame would I be considered if I were to admit that I now enjoy Silk (soy milk) in my cereal in the mornings? I’m concerned about this.

Why is it…

August 10, 2010

that whenever I read something about posture, I spend the next 30 minutes pretending like I don’t actually have terrible posture?

Name the top 5 people you’d most like to grab beers with

July 19, 2010

(I apologize for ending this post title in a preposition. It’s bothering me too, but I think it would be lamer to say “…with whom you would most like to grab beers” – somehow that would diminish the tone of this post.)

I’ll warn you, settling on 5 people is a brutally difficult task. It is also somewhat revealing. You can pick anyone. As I went through options I thought about people I’ve always wanted to meet, people I admire and/or people who would probably just be fun to drink beers with. For now, let’s make this list only for people who are alive. Also, I don’t mean grabbing beers with all 5 people at once – just separate beer-grabbing with each. And importantly, know we all reserve the right to amend our lists at anytime! Here’s my offering:

  1. Ian Wright – host on the travel show Globe Trekker. Wright travels throughout the world, obscure places and popular places alike, and somehow manages to be funny to all people in all cultures. Interesting dude too and I’m pretty certain he likes his beers.
  2. Conan O’Brien – I’m not always in line with all of his late night stuff, but I still think he’s hilarious. If you have doubts about Conan’s hilarity, read this commencement speech he gave to the Harvard class of 2000.
  3. Lyle Lovett – strange, super smart, immensely talented musically, funny looking and Julia Roberts’ temporary husband when she was trying to prove to herself that “beauty is within”.
  4. Charles Woodson – Not only one of football’s all-time greats, a very interesting guy besides. (The owner of a winery though, Woodson may prefer wine to beer – I’d be fine with that.)
  5. Brian Regan – comedian, hilarious content, clean, intelligent, near flawless delivery – this would be a highly entertaining beer-grabbing.

Here are some of the others I considered (italicized were the hardest cuts):

  • Steve StrickerPGA golfer from Madison – one of the best players in the world and by all accounts, the nicest guy on the tour.
  • Steve Martin One of the rare comedians to keep his humor relevant for decades. Man with Two Brains, The Lonely Guy and The Jerk were all great movies.
  • Bill BrysonI highly recommend his book I’m a Stranger Here Myself
  • LeRoy Butler – Packer legend, fun dude, underrated w/regard to his commentary and insight into all things football
  • Ron Wolf – one those guys some consider a genius
  • Gene Wilder – grew up with his classic movies
  • Bob Uecker – could listen to his stories for days
  • James Lofton
  • Sidney Moncrief
  • Aaron Rodgers
  • Helen Mirren
  • Bill Cosby
  • Jeremy Irons
  • Adam Sandler
  • Peter King/Don Banks
  • Tim Howard/Brad Friedel
  • David Feherty
  • Herb Kohler
  • Ted Thompson/Brett Favre – get them both hammered, see what happens
  • Dr. John
  • Martin Sexton
  • Christian Lander
  • Will Ferrell
  • Tom Watson
  • Emmylou Harris
  • Pele
  • Kristin Wiig
  • Glen Hansard
  • Dennis Miller
  • Mark Tauscher
  • Warren Buffett

*Note: David Zucker of Airplane fame had been on my running mental list for years, but back in 2008 in Minneapolis, Brother Steve, Brother Dan, my wife and I actually had the chance to have a beer with him. It was one of those great life moments – though it was interrupted when security types tried to escort us from the party because we didn’t have the appropriate guest passes or something. It was embarrassing in the moment, but eventually hilarious as it seemed like the kind of thing that would happen in one of his movies. (Fortunately, we got to stay and party.)

*Additional Note: if Tim Russert hadn’t passed away last year, he would have in my top 5.

Who would make your top 5?

Does being massively fat equate to NFL coaching success?

July 2, 2010

I’ve been thinking about this topic for a while now. The very basic thought that first sparked deeper thinking on this topic arose from this hypothetical scenario: if I were an NFL player and I was told to run extra wind sprints because I ran the wrong route or something, would I harbor any extra resentment if I were told to do this by a super fat coach? Answer: yes.

Well, I decided to study this notion a bit further. I have put together a statistical study so sophisticated that MIT just offered me an honorary PhD in math. Margin for error, zero.

NFL coaches in this study are each assigned to one of 4 weight categories: fit, normal, overweight and massively fat. The success rating is determined by using a 10 point scale. Added weight (pun intended) is given to those coaches who have led their teams deep into the playoffs (except for Brad Childress because he’s a tool).

Here is a rundown of present NFL coaches, their weight, and their success rating:

  • Mike McCarthy – overweight; 7
  • Brad Childress – normal; 6
  • Jim Schwartz – fit; 3
  • Lovie Smith – overweight; 6
  • Mike Shanahan – fit; 7
  • Andy Reid – massively fat; 8
  • Tom Coughlin – normal; 8
  • Wade Phillips – overweight; 7
  • Sean Payton – fit; 9
  • John Fox – overweight; 6
  • Mike Smith – overweight; 8
  • Raheem Morris – fit, 3
  • Pete Carroll – fit; 7 (likely rating after a few NFL years – he will be good)
  • Ken Whisenhunt – fit; 9
  • Mike Singletary – fit; 6
  • Steve Spagnuolo – fit; 3
  • Tom Cable – overweight; 4
  • Josh McDaniels – fit; 6
  • Todd Haley – fit; 3
  • Norv Turner – normal; 7
  • Mike Tomlin – fit; 9
  • John Harbaugh – fit; 8
  • Marvin Lewis – normal; 6
  • Eric Mangini – overweight; 5
  • Bill Behlicheck – overweight, 9
  • Tony Sparano – overweight, 6
  • Rex Ryan – massively fat, 8
  • Chan Gailey – overweight, 5
  • Jim Caldwell – overweight, 8
  • Jeff Fisher – normal, 7
  • Jack Del Rio – normal, 6
  • Gary Kubiak, normal 5

Results of this scientific, incredibly accurate study?

  • 12 fit coaches – average skill level of 6.083
  • 7 normal coaches – average skill level of 6.429
  • 11 overweight coaches – average skill level of 6.4545
  • 2 massively fat coaches – average skill level of 8

So, the best coaches overall are massively fat, followed by overweight, then normal and the worst coaches are fit. Perhaps the extra resentment some players may feel when yelled at by fatter coaches is somehow channeled into a focused anger that is then taken out on the field during games, leading to higher quality play.