There is a certain bank, I won’t name names, yes I will, it’s US Bank, that claims to offer a “5-Star Service Guarantee”. What does this mean? Anyone? No other banks refer to “star” service scales. Is this 5 stars on a scale of 10? 100? It is important we know what kind of scale this is because without this knowledge, we can’t be sure of what they’re guaranteeing. For example, if it is on a scale of 10, then we can expect at least average service. But if it is on a scale of 100, their service standards would be very low – it’s possible the teller might spit on us. Of course, most likely, the scale, the arbitrary scale THEY made up, only goes up to 5. Ok. But then who decides that they have earned a 5-Star rating? Do they decide this? Nowhere does it attribute the 5-star service quality determination to some independent, bank-rating 3rd party. They’ve decided this!!! Ugh. Ok, I’ll stop now.