A different kind of stopping short

by

I know Seinfeld popularized the expression “stopping short” in a hilarious episode involving George’s dad. But I have begun to notice more and more a different version of stopping short that borders on sparking road rage in me. Last night, as I approached a red light, I began to slow down and pull up to the designated crosswalk area, finishing just shy of the crosswalk where a giant, wide, white line showed me where to stop. I looked over to my left and there was a man in his car at least 15-20 feet behind this giant, wide, white line that again, clearly marks where one should stop. I thought perhaps the guy was making a phone call, putting in a CD or reasoning with a child in the backseat. No. He was alone and seemingly not distracted. He wasn’t doing anything but looking straight ahead and he had a profoundly foolish expression on his face.

Who are you people who do this and why? My research (which is not funded by anyone making it pure and therefore more reliable) indicates that people who do this are also likely to:

  • stop well short of the car in front of him/her when pulling up to a light.
  • drive slowly in all situations, sometimes 10-15mph under the speed limit
  • not notice right away (sometimes for 10 full seconds) that a light has turned green
  • bring the car to a full stop when turning right (when a slow yield is more appropriate)
  • drive a Toyota Prius (or want to drive a Toyota Prius)
  • wonder why others are in such a hurry
  • delay oddly when people ask them questions
  • have a hoarding problem
  • have trouble managing their hair
  • wear radio headphones while at baseball games
  • wear a Hawaiian shirt when wanting to “cut loose a little bit”
  • be married to a pear-shaped man or woman who only talks about cats and gardening
  • walk around (slowly) with both arms behind the back smiling at strangers as they walk by (sometimes greeting them – always scaring them).
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