Week 11 Spread Picks

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Tampa Bay
Atlanta (+2.5)

 I was set to call on an Atl upset here, but then the coach benched Harrington who had just won two games. Harrington thinks he’s way sweeter than he is, no question, but he just won two games for them.

Cleveland
Baltimore (+2.5)

 I’m picking Cleve here because I like the Cleve and Balt has ruined my past 4 weeks. What kind of real-person name is Romeo by the way – what were his parents thinking?

New England
Buffalo (+15.5)

I was considering picking an outright Bills victory until I realized Lynch is likely out, and even more Bills were just added to the IR (12 now on the year). Still, I think there is something unique about this team. By the way, is Jauron related to Charles Howell III? Is that his son? Go Bills – let Jauron niceness prevail over Belichick jackassness.

Arizona
Cincinnati (-2.5)

AZ sucks on the road, but I think this will be a growth game for them proving they can win on the road against talent and that they still have shot at the NFC West title. I miss Denny Green – that post-Bears game press conference was truly great. Isn’t it refreshing when a pro sports person pukes up exactly what is on his mind?

Washington
Dallas (-10.5)

Wash was going to be another upset pick for this week, until Sean Taylor was declared out – no way they’ll stop Dallas in this one. I’m a little worried that T Romo is smiling too much – I like the guy but it seems excessive. It’s almost like he is desperate for broadcasters to say he’s having as much fun as Favre.  

Carolina
Green Bay (-9.5)

I almost took Carolina here. That’s not true actually – I’ve never picked against the Packers. Now, I don’t mean this figuratively at all, I mean this literally – Mike McCarthy has a big head. I watched the Mike McCarthy show again and at one point, perhaps due to the amateur filming, his head took up most of the picture – I think the cameraman just underestimated the massiveness of it. 

New Orleans
Houston (-1.5)

For some reason, I find myself rooting against Mike Sherman. He was a nice man, but his predictable play-calling drove me to drink – or maybe it was his giant ass – or maybe it was just me wanting to drink. I do think New Orleans is on its way back and the loss last week was just due to the awakening of the St. Louis Rams.

Kansas City
Indianapolis (-14.5)

Massive blow-out alert – possibly by 30 points. Brodie Croyle – interesting QB name. Sounds like a frat brother character in some terribly-acted Lifetime network movie.

San Diego
Jacksonville (-2.5)

This will be San Diego’s statement game. They are back and finally, the passing game will take off – if you have Chris Chambers for fantasy, play him this week. By the way, how is Jax 6-3? I thought they were 4-5 or something. 

Oakland
Minnesota (-4.5)

I’ll take the Vikes here as a nod to another player I see “potential” in – Tarvaris. Now if I’m going to rip on Romeo’s name, I probably ought to lay into Tarvaris. The first time I saw his name I thought it said Tavaris, and for some reason, thought nothing of it. What’s that ‘r’ doing in there?

Pittsburgh
N.Y. Jets (+9.5)

I’m allowed one crack pick each week – this is it. The Jets have already ruined 5-6 weeks for me this year (I thought they were going to be good) so this makes even less sense. But something tells me that Big Ben is due for puke game and why not against a mysteriously horrendous Jets team. 

Miami
Philadelphia (-9.5)

I went to a conference in Philly a few years ago and after dinner, there was a guy standing on the corner with his entire head just dripping with blood – 2 black eyes. He looked very close to death but he was just talking casually on his cell phone.  “Yeah, I turned away for one minute, bastard nailed me.” He then looked at me as though I were out of place. I was. Miami because the ladies in Miami are much hotter and the people less bloody.

N.Y. Giants
Detroit (+2.5)

Does anyone have any evidence of Matt Millen gloating yet? I could see him doing this despite having one of the worst team management careers in NFL history so far.

St. Louis
San Francisco (+2.5)

Blow-out alert. SF is a sad team right now. Getting shut out on Monday night is about as bad as it gets. Watch for a huge game from Bulger – 400 yards.

Chicago
Seattle (-4.5)

Grossman will have 5 turnovers, and Lovie will turn to the bench to see Kyle Orton and he’ll ask Robbie Gould to quarterback. Actually, Kyle Orton was 11-5 in the only year he played…with a 59 QB rating.

Tennessee
Denver (-2.5)

Watching Vince Young press conferences is becoming fun. For a QB, he is awfully defensive in front of the mike. But he should be – he’s having a horrible season (4tds, 10ints and a 62 QB rating). Denver may go nuts in this one, though I hesistate writing that considering Vince will be on the big stage.
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One Response to “Week 11 Spread Picks”

  1. Ace Says:

    Disappointing commentary on Vike game. How can a Packer fan joke about the “r” in Tarvaris when Hall of Famer Brett Favre mispronounces his own name “Farve”? This from a team that took a negotiating Holliday and wasted a bundle on Cletidus, or as he would say “Cletedius”, Hunt. Cletidus? Named after a Roman senator or something? His parents were as mean as Crenell’s.

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